God I do hate my depression. I went from having a good bit of self work and it really crashed down and its just been bad

tomorrow i have a fencing tournament in foil, its my second one. i started taking the class to help with my depression. as well, i have also gotten my self a psychologist. I hope things get better. As of now, i feel bleak and without direction. there isnt much positive going on in my life, other than the mundane.

I've had myself a relationship. A quick one that lasted 3 months. being friends with Richard is honestly difficult in a way. I think I will have to learn. I care a lot about him still and he fills my mind constantly, I do think i fill his

life is kicking my ass and I really don't got much more in me.

To follow up with the other post. The account shortly after was deleted, as well as the other like 6 accounts. I'm still not to sure really who or what that was all about, but I defiantly know there was something really off about them. Stay safe guys and lets all be okay with being from Beverly Hills CA. Stay safe y'all and keep ur privacy in account, weird folk out there

I know, never on. I was actually thinking about how I outta be more careful with the shit I post on here. I recently got into listing to Blue_Spooky on YT. He reads a bunch of first hand experiences ppl have had, all true crime stuff. And I realized-remembered how easy it has become in more recent years for ppl to end u and become stalkers. What also prompted me to remember this and remember this god ol MySpace, was that at one point, a random that was active on here had a bunch of their friends (or the same person with multi accounts) would change up their post all the time. Od things. At one point the accounts were all Rocket Power characters and then at another point they were manicans. Now, it doesn't sound extra weird, but. at one point, the one account, the most active one I for some reason interacted with cus im dumb that way, had comment on a couple o my pictures that I looked like a manican. It def set off a reflag that shoulda popped off muuuuch sooner. I'm not sure whatever happened to that account

Actually, a couple weeks ago I went to the Rob Zombie, Mudvayne, Static X, Powerman 5000 concert. loooooved. Me and Kate got to get all dressed up and listen tp bands we grew up loving to death. It really was fantastic

okay life up date, right, cus I gotta get on here and do that every so often. Ive gotten int o kayaking. Apparently I still can't post photos but, I've started kayaking. Its been great for a cardio and getting out and really impacting the depression. my depression has really lightened. I usually go out every week with my friend Kate and we paddle out. we get to workout together but also we get the chance to feel better and talk. its nice and perfect honestly.

Yesterday I took my friend Steven u to the airport. I still don't know what to make of what possible development still may or may not lie ahead. Its not that I really dwell on it anymore. I feel like its one of these things I need to figure out. I need to figure my shit out but never seem capable of even fathoming it

I think im becoming very self aware that if not natural, more murdered, I do believe my depression will be the lead to my demise. not to just sound dark outta no where but I just really think im only pushing an emending death by my own hands. Goals I once had have just disappeared and I lack care to venture and grab life and hang on. Its like, all I am is going though mechanical movements

If i just make it to Sunday itll be all right
If i can just not punch that pedal to and throw iron yo the wooden pole
If i remember to just water those plants
If i just make it to Sunday
If i make it
If i make it
If i can make it to Sunday ill walk with a friend in the sun
Maybe there wont be sun
But if i make it to Sunday
I wont have driven that iron to the pole