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Grey’s Anatomy writers definitely take fall finales seriously.

Although I feel that last week’s “scary ending” teaser was somewhat of a disappointment, I appreciate the fact that we still have plenty of shocks and awes to discuss until the show returns in January.

First and foremost, Meredith is back and everyone celebrates the wonder that is Dr. Grey. She is welcomed with open arms, hearty handshakes, and a big, fat cake. Cristina even checks in via text message to see if Meredith received her package. Sadly, it seems to be MIA somewhere in the hospital.

The residents rally around their favorite doc, including a very confused DeLuca. Meredith takes great pride in telling her former flame that she would have gladly told him Bailey hired her back, but he was too busy dumping her. Look at all that space she’s giving him!

The entire group, high on sugar, piles into a little girl named Jamie’s room. She has a mass between her ribs and Meredith is eager to see exactly what it could be. Her guess? Some sort of complication from the gall bladder surgery she performed on Jamie a few years ago.

Other people are a little bit more aggressive with their diagnosis. And by “other people” I mean Dr. Cormac Hayes who is the new Chief of Pediatric Surgery. I’ll tell you what, this guy makes me forgive the fact that Alex is over at Pac North. Hayes is a hottie. An Irish hottie who has a bit of an attitude problem. This guy and Meredith are totally hooking up.

Speaking of hooking up, Catherine pulls into the hospital and finds her son all up in Victoria’s business. Her assumption is that Jackson is cheating on Maggie. When Jackson confesses that he and Maggie have been broken up for months, Catherine slumps in her chair. I think she wanted to yell at her adulterer son instead of her adulterer husband.

Let the record show that Richard is not cheating, but he does have to put up with that temptress Gemma sniffing around 24/7. Are you really supposed to hold hands when praying the Serenity Prayer? Such a tartlet. No wonder Catherine was livid when the Pac North intern thought Gemma was “Mrs. Webber.”

Now, let’s talk babies because there are an unusual amount of joyful bundles in this episode. Jo has decided to volunteer at Safe Haven, which means she helps abandoned babies who were dropped off at fire stations. Link thinks this is “too much too soon” since Jo recently found out that her own mother left her at a firehouse when she was five days old.

Station 19 has a baby and Jo struggles with her emotions. Ben tries to explain that these babies have been surrendered, not abandoned. The parent did not leave this baby. The person who gave birth to it left this baby. The parent is waiting to meet this sweet child.

He lets Jo feed the baby and then he drives her to the hospital so she can hand the little boy over to CPS. Only Jo hands the baby to no one and takes him straight to her house to keep as her own. So close. SHOCKER #1.

In other news, Amelia and Bailey are in a super cool baby club where they share resting heart rates and blood pressure. Isn’t that fun? Bailey is excited that she is going to learn the sex of her baby that very afternoon and is floored when Amelia shares that she’s never had a sonogram. Uncool.

Amelia admits that she’s scared. What if something is wrong or she’s growing an alien in there? Bailey gives her that Bailey look and tells her that it’s easier to fight fear with information. Go get the sonogram. Bailey leaves her to think on these things as she rushes along doing rounds. When she sees that Captain Herrera is the next patient up, she sends the others along.

Bad news. The Captain’s cancer is back. It’s aggressive and he doesn’t want chemotherapy. Bailey is just about to go through all of the pros and cons when Herrera points out that she’s bleeding. Poor Bailey miscarries her baby and the sight of Ben hearing the news is heartbreaking. SHOCKER #2. Bailey chooses to be alone and sends Ben to go drinking with Herrera. She’s also too distraught to tell a bubbly Amelia the entire truth and instead informs her that the baby is a girl. I’m gutted.

If that wasn’t depressing enough, Maggie faces a heart patient who needs a valve replacement, which should be a no-brainer for her. Unfortunately, she’s still reeling from Sabi’s death and sweet talks Teddy into scrubbing in with her, especially since the guy has a wife and a baby in the NICU. Maggie can’t screw this up.

Everything goes smoothly. Except the heart doesn’t start pumping after taking it off bypass. Maggie understandably freaks out and Teddy has to step in and be the voice of reason. She orders Helm to pack the chest and wait, with the hope that if the heart rests for a few hours, it will pump. Or it won’t. Telling the mother in the NICU was the worst.

What does Maggie do? She quits. She tells Koracick that she is gone, effective immediately. SHOCKER #3. Teddy rushes out to follow her and Koracick offers Teddy the job as his new cardio chief. Teddy flies off the handle and pleads for Tom to stop trying to win her back! She lists all the reasons why she loves Owen in ten seconds before Koracick interrupts her to explain the job is hers because Maggie quit.

He also asks Teddy if she’s sure she wants to close the door on their (non-existent) relationship. By his calculations, Owen hasn’t proposed to anyone, even though they have a baby together. That’s a deep cut.

Back at Grey Sloan, Dr. Hayes orders someone to book an OR. Jamie’s scans have come back and he is sure there’s a tumor on her ribs. Meredith nearly rips him a new one when she finds him telling Jamie’s mother that it could be cancerous because he wants her to have all of the information.

Grey talks the mom off the ledge, claiming this is the worst-case scenario. Once in the OR, they learn that the mass is not malignant. It’s a large gallstone. Meredith was right and Dr. Hayes can suck it.

When they tell Jamie the good news, she sinks back into her sullen pre-teen ways and sulks about how this cute boy Zachary didn’t text her back during surgery. Having raised a few 13-year-old boys, Dr. Hayes tells Jamie that he’s sure Zachary is just terrified. Boys can’t talk to girls at that age. Especially the ones they like.

Adorable.

The next thing we know, Meredith and Dr. Hayes are in the elevator together. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: Great things happen in Grey Sloan Memorial elevators. As Cristina texts Meredith to ask if she’s received the package, Dr. Hayes lectures Meredith on how he believes parents need to know everything. Even the worst-case scenarios.

Meredith halfway rolls her eyes at him and texts Cristina back: “I didn’t receive it.”

We see texts from Cristina: “Not it. Him. McWidow.” That perfect nickname is followed by three four-leaf clovers. SHOCKER #4! I don’t know this guy one bit, but I trust Cristina. Meredith + McWidow = love.

DeLuca spies Meredith salivating over the Irish hottie and for the first time realizes that Link was right. He shouldn’t have told Meredith to take some time, because he is not her equal. HE IS A RESIDENT.

Do you know what else doesn’t add up? Amelia’s pregnancy timeline. She isn’t twenty weeks pregnant like she originally thought. She’s twenty-four weeks pregnant. That means that her sweet baby will not be getting Link’s dazzling eyes and fabulous chin dimple. This baby is going to have red hair and a love of all things military. Owen is the father. SHOCKER #5.

At this point, everyone not on the A-list roster, apart from Jackson, goes to the bar to have a drink. Ben is there with Herrera. The residents are boozing it up. And just when the alcohol starts to really flow freely, a car crashes into the wall scattering debris and bodies everywhere.

If you’re keeping count, this is what we call SHOCKER #6.

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